Hey to y’all. This here’s Herb, from down to Rabbit Hash. Been a spell since I seen a winter like this. Reckon it was ’78-’79. Boy ol’ boy, ‘member that one? When that cold and icy mess left, it took Big Bone Island with it! Lost a couple of good cane poles in that deal. Had ‘em hung up in one of them cotton woods so I’d have ‘em there come green-up. Speaking of green-up….could somebody please tell me what all this recent fuss is all about round here ‘bout ‘goin green’?
Lordy, to hear some of these city and subdivision folks talk, you’d a thought they just come up with a brand new idea on how we should treat our land and water. Folks, out here in the boonies, we allus treated our land and water right cause we depend on them things to survive. We been blessed to use this here land for our survival, and by God, we take care of it. Yes, I said God…cause he’s the one that’s allowed us to use his good earth. Some times at night when I’m a sittin’ outside lookin’ up to the stars and heavens, I just imagine ole God up there a laughin’ ever time he hears one of us creatures down here a sayin’ that we are the cause of global warming and we need to stop burnin’ wood in our Rabbit Hash Iron Works wood stoves and we have to stop fartin’ a’cause all that methane is eating a hole in the ozone layer. Come on now! Do people really think they are that significant and powerful to mess up the good Lord’s finest gift to us folks…this entire planet earth? You know, about ten miles or so down river from here is Big Bone Lick. Ever heerd of it? Well that’s the place where all them mastodons and wooly mammoths and them giant ground sloths and huge bison and all them other behemoth mammals wandered down the middle o’these here United States near ‘bouts 12,000 years ago when we was in the middle of a huge ice age, so’s they could lick on the salt deposits here abouts fer their physiological needs.
Hmm…. now that frigid climate eventually disappeared, but there wasn’t but a handful of humans around here fartin’ and burning wood. You mean to tell me, they were still able to warm up this globe? Now, that sure does beat Moses!!
I feel really bad tellin you all that us humans ain’t really that important and powerful enough to cause this global warming stuff. But I’m sure the north east folks are glad we warmed things up fer them. Imagine how much more snow and ice they would’a had if we didn’t cause the warming we did!
Now, another thing that gripes my ass about this is them politicians tellin’ me that I have to cut my energy consumption so we aren’t so dependent on fossil fuels. Got news fer them. When it’s cold, I sit closer to the stove. When it’s hot, I sit outside or swim in the river. I ain’t consuming any damned energy. But let me tell ya, when I’m settin’ outside to keep cool, I have to wear sunglasses at night because of the fifty gazillion bright lights that are laser-beaming the town of Rabbit Hash from Rising Sun’s riverfront concrete riverbank. Mark Twain was right about politicians…..but that can be covered later!