Hey there! Herb here, from down to Rabbit Hash. Whad’ya reckon makes a feller like that Charlie Sheen ack the way he does? Ever body keeps a’saying it’s drugs. Why that ain’t it by a long shot. Have ya steered into that feller’s eyes real good? I have. And I seen that look a hunert times. ‘Course it warn’t never in no person, jist in wild animals when I’m a’huntin’ out there in the woods. Now I’m here to tell you folks…that there man has distemper, er at least rabies! Seen it a gazillion times! An’ the onliest thing a feller kin do is to shoot the critter square in the head. Ya jist have to put the poor bastard outen it’s misry. Like I said, that’s what you gotta do out there in the woods when ya come up on one like that. But ya kain’t jist leave the carcass a’layin’ there out wher some other critter’l come up an’ feast on it. Ya gots to bury it. An’ ya gots to bury it real deep like in the ground so’s the other critters can’t git to it and ketch the distemper theirselves. ‘Course that’s here in the woods here in Boon county. I shore ain’t sayin’ that’s how they do it out in them woods there in Holly. I’m here to tell ya, they do everthing differnt in California an’ that’s a fack.
If truth be known, they prolly shoulda gelded that fella back when he was a youngster and started a showin’ all that fractious spunk. But once he done got a taste o’ them wild oats, it was too late then. Ain’t real sure what kinda desert critters them crack-ho’s is, but I’m shore glad we ain’t got ‘em here in Rabbit Hash. We got a’nuf on our hands with all them black snakes an’ ki-otes, that’s fer shore. But I’d say they must be kin to them kangeroos ‘cause they’re allus hoppin’ round from feller to feller, an’ wantin’ them to put more stuff in their pouch. Ain’t never come up on one in the wild, but they say they snort. Must be some kinda warning that they’re close by and ready to jump yer bones. An’ I’ve heered other folks describe them as cougars, out to score a young man. Reckon the meat of a young man is sweeter than a old one, just like in a young buck. Some critters don’t like that gamey taste, I reckon.
The way that Charlie fella is allus rubbin’his nose and his eyes a’runnin’ is what leads me to think that it’s distemper and not the rabies. He keeps wiping his nose ‘cause it keeps runnin’ all the time an that’s a shore sign of distemper. Plus the way his jaws is allus real tight and quiverin’. All these is shore signs its distemper. Course once it gits complete hold of a person, it don’t matter what disease it is, cause they both end up making you wacky and losin’ yer mind. Only one shot that kin cure that condition. And the larger the caliber, the quicker the relief.