Say hey! This here’s Herb….from down to Rabbit Hash. Now thet open season on them political fellers is over with, we kin settle down to the important things in life. Yessiree, it’s deer season and it is still my favert holiday of all…, ‘cept fer all them city warriors what comes down here and dang near ruins the huntin’ fer the rest of us. Seen one t’other mornin’ pull up into a hay field acrost from where I was a’hunkered down…strange lookin’ fella…all dressed in camouflage an’ gittin outa a camouflaged SUV. Well, he was a drinkin’ some Starbucks coffee that was so strong and acid-like, that I could smell it clean over to where I was. I wanted to tell that fella that they should change the name of the coffee to Scare-bucks, a’cause that’s what he done….scared away ever buck an’ doe in a 5 mile radius. So then he pulls out a nother cup of thet stuff and commences to pour it in his camouflaged thermos, spillin some of it on to the ground….jest in case all the deers didn’t have a chance to smell it afore. Now, I’m here to tell ya. Good thing after all that he brung thet coffee along, cause with him all camouflaged, drinking from his camo thermos and standing nex to his camouflage soccer mom truck, I wouldn’ta knowed where thet feller was if I hadn’t a been able to smell the coffee.
So, I was a thinkin’ to myself….’jest maybe he might be able to find himself a deer sooner er later, the way he was camoflaged from plain sight.” Then, I kid you not, he commenced to pullin out this bright , fluorescent orange full jacket vest and a matching and equally hideous elmer fudd hat and orange reflective sun glasses. Why he mite as well a put on a police light bar acrost his head and turned on a siren. I bet the deer over in Risin’ Sun could see that fool.  And that’s no lie, now!
Next he gits out a camouflage soccer mom chair with the drink holders and a camo backpack and fanny pack full of twinkies and he commences to tramp up thru the field to the edge of the woods and sets up in a little grove of locust trees, full of poison ivy leaves and berries, you know, the real old and succulent kind of vine thet’s about two inches in diameter and real fuzzy and furry lookin’. Thet stuff was plumb ever where. And he didn’t seem to mind one bit. Some fellers got better immune systems than others, I reckon.
Now, I will tell you right now. You ain’t never gonna catch me in the woods a deer huntin’ and a wearin’ that glow-in-the-dark orange stuff. Now, if I knows there’s a fur cop around the area, I’ll carry my orange stick pin button that says “I like cumquats”, in case I have to show the cop that I got something orange on. I useta just tell them I was a hunting ‘seng and I brung my gun along in case somebody was ta rob me. But they’s hardly any seng left in these parts now. Done all been gathered up by them hippies and demercrats  and took to china.
About a hour later, I seen the fella a walkin’ back to his car and I swear he was 20 feet away and thet car greeted him by beepin’ its horn and a flashin’ it lights on an’ off, jist like a good ole coon hound does when you go to the barn a carryin’ yore gun and lantern. Damndest thing I ever a seen. That car was so happy to see the feller had come back. I was somehow expectin’ to see its tail pipe start to waggin’.
 Anyways, the fella had come back to fetch his gun! Now if I’m lying, I’m a dying. I swear to you, the feller had been out there fer a hour a deer huntin’ afore he realized he done left his gun in the camouflaged soccer mom truck that barks an gits all excited when it sees the fella.
I should’a jist went along somewhere’s else to hunt, but I stayed all hunkered down right where I was ‘cause I was bein’ highly entertained a watchin’ this feller a deer huntin’. While he was a gitting his gun out’en its camouflaged, insulated, Tiger Woods designed case with the huge engraved brass plate that bore his name and cell phone number and managed to clang against any metallic object it come close to, I glanced over to the fella’s digs in the poison ivy patch, and sure enough, there was two does and two babies a eatin up all his twinkies outen his camoflaged fanny pack. Jest goes to prove, them deer kin see ever thing around them, camerflaged er not!